HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION BULLETIN
Material Safety Data

Woman: a chemical analysis

ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.8kg (known to vary between 40kg & 200kg)
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas.
HALF LIFE: Deteriorates after about 25 years, sometimes rapidly losing its shape and lustre.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
* Surface usually covered with a painted film.
* Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason.
* Melts if given special treatment.
* Bitter if used incorrectly.
* Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
* Warms to pressure appled to correct points.

REACTIVE PROPERTIES
* Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
* Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
* Can explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
* Stable in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
* The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

USES
* Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
* May be a great aid in relaxation.
* Can be an effective cleaning agent.

COLOUR
* Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
* Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HANDLING
* Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
* Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as the specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

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