The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to
start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam.
don't know me but I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith
cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've
specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped.
come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living
room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love
to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio
of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well
consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The
Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to
get the job done right. People were crowding around four and
pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than
too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could
concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
your, eh ...equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my
tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action.
Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
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