It is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks
Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole
earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the
righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning,
God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah
took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything
aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered
the earth and
all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in
his front yard weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did but there were big problems.
First I had to get a permit for the construction and your plans did not
comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark
a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on
cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S.
Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a
settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the
Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal
group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when
got the suit dismissed, The EPA notified me the I could not complete the
without filing and environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
They didn't take very kindly
to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator
Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am
discrimination by not taking godless unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice
from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the
Ark as a recreational water craft.
Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious
and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.
rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you
not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
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